I'm trying to understand guys again, which is always a mistake because as you're undoubtedly aware, they are a complete mystery.
And in the space and time between high school and my new so-called single life, there are all these freaking rules. For example, last week, my sister B. said to me, "Davis girls do not chase boys. We are princesses. Boys chase us."
Okay... when did this become the rule? Was there some magical wand waved over me that should make me wear a tiara and not want to crush on guys?
Well, apparently, the crushing isn't the problem. The following up on crushes is. According to my sis, I needn't call boys. I shouldn't wait around for them to call me. I should just not care.
Um, how does that happen? How do I suddenly go from ooh, you're cute and you're smiling in my direction to so, what if you're cute -- you're a peon who must kiss my feet in order to get a date ?
Maybe my sister can do this comfortably. After all, she was voted Miss Photogenic in the Miss Teen Washington pageant. I may be cute, but I'm not sure if this princess rule works for me. How can I just not care if a guy calls me or not?
It has to be something about me imagining I have some kind of control of my destiny. If I talk to a guy, if I approach him, at least I've put myself out there, right? Then again, doesn't that prevent *him* from putting *himself* out there? He should at least make an effort to show some interest. He's got to have at least that tiny shred of confidence, right?
Ack. So, maybe over-confidence attracts guys who prefer to let you drive the relationship the whole time. That's exhausting, peeps! There must be a middle ground I haven't found yet. A place in which I can care and not care at the same time.
I'm doing a lot of things on my own, and maybe being busy means less time doing the does-he-like-me-or-not tango in my brain. But I can't get over the hope.
The hope that keeps me checking my messages...
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4 comments:
"My So-Called Life" used to be a fav show of mine way back in the day. And yes, at the time, I was crushing on Jared Leto (boy, has HE changed lately). I'm just sayin'
I say if you want a player, play games. If you want a good, mature guy then just call if you want to call, go over and talk to him if you want to. Of course, don't act like a stalker or anything. But at least you'll know right then whether he feels the same way or not and you won't waste even one precious moment waiting around on him! Okay, I'm done now.
Jared Leto, yummy.
hugs,
Steph
I just bought the full series of My So-Called Life on DVD, complete with a bonus disk of behind-the-scenes stuff. Not that I don't have all the episodes already -- have them all taped, but the tapes have grown old.
One of my favorite lines about Jordan, as said by Angela: "He's always closing his eyes...like it hurts him to look at the world."
As for the rules, Heather...I say do what works for YOU. Be yourself and do what you feel is natural. Your sister does what works for her...you just gotta be you!
Marley = )
I agree with Steph and Marley... games are for players. If you're not being you, then who's the guy falling for?
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