Thursday, June 10, 2010

The evolution of friendship....

Go Wendy, it's your book birthday! We are celebrating the release of Wendy's new book, LIFTED, this week by talking about friendship. You have a chance to win a signed copy just by entering a comment on every blog post this week.

(You want to buy this book!)

Have you ever had a friend that you were so close to you could almost read each other's minds? I hope that everyone is lucky enough to find this in their lifetime. I can remember when I was about ten and I asked my mother why she never hung out with any girlfriends. She told me that when you get older, you get busier and you just don't spend time with girlfriends. I was horrified. How would I get by without FRIENDS? Well, luckily I've never had to find out. My friends are just as important to me now as they were then. Granted, I may not be able to run off to the mall at a moment's notice anymore but I can still fit them into my life somehow.

But the one thing I have discovered about friendships is that they evolve. I'm happy to say that I still have friends that I met when I was five. We may not talk every day, or even every year, but we still consider each other friends. and even though our lives may take drastically different directions we can still find common ground.

On the other hand, I've had friends who I was practically inseparable from at one point and then gradually we just drifted out of each other's lives. Nothing traumatic happened, just one day one of us didn't call the other and then we just never talked again. Or maybe you worked or went to school with several people who were amazing people that you couldn't imagine being away from but gradually you all go your separate ways. And sometimes it's hard facing the fact that you and someone who was once a good friend, just aren't good for each other anymore. The hardest part of any friendship is making the decision to end it.
(Did you see these two best friends go at it in Bride Wars?)


Do you think it's harder ending a friendship or a romantic relationship? Post a comment for your chance to win a signed copy of LIFTED.

xo,
Stephanie
www.stephaniehale.com

21 comments:

Cassie said...

i think it is harder to end a romantic relationship because you actually have to deal with the person face to face. Unlike a friendship you can basically stop calling/talking to the person and you will just drift apart giving it a prolonged "breakup" or an instant breakup liek in an romantic relationship.

Dunno if that make sense - but it does to me

ylime1981 said...

It probably depends on how you are ending it. If you just let the friendship slowly drift away then it will probably not be as hard. However, if it is one that you have to cut off quickly, it can be so much harder.

Alicia said...

I think ending a friendship is harder. It's especially hard if that person used to be a really great friend who knew everything about you.

nymfaux said...

I think ending friendships are the hardest, even when they just fade away--With a romantic relationship, even though you hope the person might be "the one," I think everybody knows there's the possibility that it won't work out--But with friendships, I've never gone in thinking that it might not work out--I build up to stronger friendships, but wherever I am, even if I've lost contact or moved away, I think about that person--Many of my friends are far away these days, but I would do everything in power if they needed me--My friends are the people I turn to when I need to vent, so if our friendship has a problem, I feel alone, even with other friends to turn to. I'm in that kind of situation right now with a group of friends--they told me something that has really changed the way I think and feel about them--I used to think we were really close, but if they can be so insensitive and heartless about the issue, I really don't know if they're the people I thought they were, let alone the friends I thought they were--I'm not going to burn my bridges, because they have been very good friends in most respects; but I still feel a really big loss

~*Jessica Rabbit*~ said...

Friendships, in my opinion are the hardest. Like Nymfaux said, with relationships you know there is a chance it won't work out. I think if you just stop calling a person that you have been friends with, and avoid them because you no longer want to hang out with them it's the chickens way out {not taking pot shots here}. You've known this person for how long? You've shared how many secrets? Cried on each others shoulders. Promised to always be there. And then 'you' decide you no longer want to. But what if they do? Just ignoring them is going to crush them because they don't know why you are being the way you are. Yes, just ignoring someone you were friends with is the easy way out of a friendship but it's also the most hurtful. Give them a reason and explain things to them, you owe them least that much.

trishalynn0708 said...

I think it's hard to end a romantic relationship. BUT I also think it's hard ending a friendship because your friends are always there for you and they know a lot more about you than anyone else does...

Kay said...

For me it's been harder to end romantic relationships. The ending is much more defininite. With friendships, they haven't so much ended as drifted. Thanks to the Internet and FB, I've even reconnected with some old friendships.

Wendy Toliver said...

WHen you're younger and not really looking to "settle down," I think it's easier to end a romantic relationship. I've ended a friendship as an adult and I'm still shaken by it.

Darlyn said...

It's easier to a romantic relation rather than breaking up with your best friends. I never face any of this situation but i will definitely cant loose my bestfrieds.There's some secrets you cant and never share with your boyfriend but a bestfriends, i have to admit, no secrets between us.

Sue Ford said...

Ending a friendship can be fairly easy if you don't run into each other all the time. You just don't call, or respond to emails, you let the answering machine pickup. As someone said you let it slowly drift away. If you are together at the same places, it is more difficult--more awkward.

I still occasionally think of a friendship in high school where I was on the receiving end of the drift. I wonder where she went and what she did. Is she happy?

jpetroroy said...

I think it depends on the length of the friendship. But for a deep friendship with lasting memories and a person who was intertwined in your life, that's the worst.

Faith said...

Ending a friendship is the WORST. Especially if the two of you run in similar social circles, which doesn't always happen with a romantic relationship.

I've had to end several friendships in the past - toxic ones - and each time, though I knew it had to be done, it felt like my heart was being ripped out and I thought I'd never recover. It's still painful to remember now.

nymfaux said...

@JessicaRabbit--I liked your post, and just wanted to clarify--I've recently moved, which is what I'm guessing prompted the "spontaneous confession" by one friend in our group--

The matter actually involves ANOTHER friend, one whom I have considered part of our group for many years, and one whom they apparently do not.--And as for being cowards--They told ME, not her.

I was really hurt and saddened by what my first friend said, so I emailed the other girls to see if they felt the same way, they did to a certain extent, but not as much as the first friend, but I thought enough that we would all be ok, and I emailed the first friend back, telling her I was sad and hurt, that I had discussed the matter with the other girls, who didn't feel as strongly as she did. I got a reply back from her (copied to everyone else), reiterating how strongly she felt on the matter, and taking it upon herself to restate how the other girls felt, too.--That was the last email I've gotten from any of them--I felt I had already said how I felt, and I felt from our first communications that they agreed with me

--But if they did agree with me, then why wouldn't they tell the first girl the same things they told me? At the same time, in addition to those emails I had shared something that I felt very personal about, and thought might also clear up the situation, but no one chose to respond to that either.

So I feel pretty stuck, at this point it feels useless for me to keep emailing on the subject--ironically, since I've moved, the topic really wouldn't have been an issue--I just feel very torn, because I really considered them some of my best friends, but I don't think I can condone the way they're treating the first friend (who doesn't even know what's going on, and would be completely crushed).

They know how I feel, so at least unless I hear anything more from them, I don't think it's something that can be resolved through email. I think it would be worse for me to completely throw away the friendships, so in the meantime, it's just in limbo.

--I know you weren't taking pot shots, but I just kind of wanted to clear things up (with SOMEONE at least)...It's very hard being away from them, but without any response, I just keep wondering how I can morally stay so close with people that I think are doing something incredibly hurtful to another person, and cowardly seeming to leave all of the burden on my shoulders.

so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears--thanks for letting me share!

Steph said...

I think that it is harder to end a friendship because you've spent a while with this person, and most likely confided in them and trusted them very much (maybe even, possibly, with your life). Now, I don't doubt that ending a romantic relationship is hard, but who knows how long that relationship was?

With this being said, I also think that it depends. Some friendships just weren't meant to be. However, this is also the case with relationships. At the same time, I feel that a friendship is more likely to last longer than a relationship, therefore making it harder to end a friendship.

Wendy Toliver said...

Wow, you guys all shared A LOT of deep insights here. I'm in awe.

Leilani @Leilani Loves Books said...

I think it depends.
It all depends on how deep you were in this relationship.
But, I think its probably harder to end a friend relationship if you were super close. Like my mom said, "There is more fish in the sea" but a friendship is much more important.

Nikki said...

I think that ending a long friendship is harder simply because most of my friendships have lasted longer than romantic relationships. Since the relationships with friends are longer they have gone through more and know more so it ihttp://yawriters.blogspot.com/s rough to lose that support and companionship.

Marjolein said...

I ended a friendship recently, with the girl I though was my best friend. But it grew out to be a toxic friendship. But another friendship grew stronger during that time, which I am vert thankfull for!

YA Vampire Books said...

i have a few friendships that have ended. Nothing adrupt, we just faded apart. Ending a romatic relationships is probably harder! They're not just fading away!

Erika Lynn said...

I honestly think they are equally hard in different ways. TO end a romantic relationship is devastating initially but it gradually gets better. TO end a friendship can be a continuous pain. No matter how a person is connected to you it is very hard to lose them.

Llehn said...

i think it's harder to end a friendship because you've been hanging around much longer and have a deeper history together.