I’d heard about it, I’d seen others wailing in the throes. But I thought I could handle it, could keep it under control. Until a couple weeks ago, when my agent, Nadia Cornier, officially diagnosed me:
I’ve Got Ratings-itis.
A compulsive illness that strikes some writers during a book release, Ratings-itis manifests itself in the compulsion to check your Barnes & Noble and Amazon “numbers” all day long. (Okay, all night, too, but having come to the conclusion that B & N doesn’t do a list shift until mid-morning, I have been sleeping better.)
The sufferer is not only obsessed with her moment-to-moment standings, but loses her grip on reality enough to think others care, too. Therefore, anyone she happens to see--say, in the produce section--is fair game for a full assessment. Paperback versus Library Issue Hardcover. B & N versus Amazon. The fact the victim starts backing away only encourages the afflicted to talk louder.
I’d like to believe that researchers are working on a cure. (Perhaps Xanax?) But until then, if you or anyone you know has suffered from Ratings-itis--and gone on to lead a normal and productive life--please, share.
I have no where to go but up. Well, unless you’re talking ratings, in which where I really want to go is down...
(P.S. to those who don’t know my humor--I AM kidding here. Sort of.)
Top Ten Uses for An Unworn Prom Dress--available for pre-order on Amazon and Barnes & Noble NOW
How to Hook a Hottie, Spring 2008