Friday, July 11, 2008

Do you have a frenemy?

Something unexpected happened to me last weekend. My family had been invited to a 4th of July party. (The invite wasn't the unusual part, although I admit I don't get out much!) It was an annual party and while I really wanted to see some people I used to work with, I didn't feel like dragging the kids, by myself, since my hubby always seems to get stuck working. But I did it anyway.

Things were going fine. There was a new crop of people there, and surprisingly, I knew most of them from high school. They had one of those huge castle bounce houses for the kids so I even got to visit without my boys driving me crazy every five seconds. It was actually...wait for So here I was chatting with a total stranger about this AH-MAZING buffalo chicken dip(Google it, people!) that one of my friends made when a girl that I was good friends with in high school walks in. I hadn't seen here since we graduated. We squealed and fell all over each other while the charming stranger laughed at us. My friend says, "Did you see that "FRENEMY" (this is what I will call her since I don't want to give away her real name) is here?

I literally dropped my fork right out of my mouth and started searching for escape routes. THEN, the charming stranger says, " That's my wife. Did you go to school with her?" He asks me. I think I nodded while trying not to throw up. Okay, time for some backstory.

Once upon a time, two little divas met in kindergarten, one of those divas was me. They were instant besties. They bridged from Brownies to Girl Scouts together, spent hours making friendship pins for each other, and agreed that Blueberry Muffin was way better than Strawberry Shortcake and should never have settled for being just a sidekick. Then fourth grade rolled around, my friend decided that I wasn't cool enough for her anymore. She started hanging around with some "cooler" kids. One day she started coming back around and I was thrilled. Later in the day, I was pulled aside after class and my teacher accused me of cheating on a test. I cried my eyes out and swore to her that I didn't. She said that it was obvious I had cheated off of "FRENEMY". I was devestated once I realized the reason she had come back around. My mom demanded that we both be regiven the test (Yeah, Mom!) and it was pretty apparent who had cheated.

We both went about our business, one of us getting straight A's almost every quarter, and the other, well, not so much. Anyhoo. Fast forward to high school. We got friendly again. Not too friendly but just casual. I go away to Hawaii with my parents on vacation. I have fun, even though I'm terribly missing my boyfriend (who I shall name...the one who should be in an insane asylum..yes, that's fits him good). I come back from Hawaii and continue on to my senior year. In Economics I even sit by "FRENEMY" the whole year. We get semi-chummy again and my mom even invites her to my surprise 18th birthday party (Mom, what were you thinking? She cheated off me for God's sake!). Graduation comes and goes. About a month later, "the one who should be in an insane asylum" and I get in our final fight. He blurts out that he slept with"FRENEMY". I went numb. While I wasn't thrilled about the S-E-X that had taken place while I was watching Don Ho with my parents, I just felt stupid. The whole time we had sat together in Economics, and at my birthday party, the whole time she was just laughing knowing that this time, she hadn't gotten caught cheating.

Flash forward, seventeen years later, after successfully avoiding her almost all night, her husband drags her over to me and says, "You guys have been missing each other all night." Yeah, not a rocket scientist this one. And obviously she didn't want to tell him why she might be afraid that I would try to stab her with a stork.

So there we were, grown women with children the same age as we were when we first met. Neither, thankfully, ending up with "the one who should be in an insane asylum". We actually chatted for a while and I remembered why she used to be my b/f/f. I swore that I could see an apology in her eyes as we told each other goodbye. As I shuffled my dirty kids into the car, I actually felt lighter. I realized how stupid I had been for hanging on to something that, in the end, didn't mean anything. What'd ya know? Maybe I'm growing up after all...

Do you have a frenemy? C'mon dish! What's the worst thing your bestie (or anyone else) did to you?




Cara King said...

I guess I'm of the opinion that someone who would do that to a friend at age 17 is not someone I'd want to trust at age 40, either.

I'm lucky enough that I've never had a full-blown frenemy -- that I know of ;-) -- but there were small amounts of frenemy activity that went on at different times.

The worst thing? When my then-new-s.o. and I were going off to live in another country for two years... A friend of his threw a good-bye party, invited all our mutual friends, and then didn't invite me.

Yep. Still mad about that one.


Dona Sarkar-Mishra said...

Wow, Steph...your Frenemy SUCKS! I have never had anything like that happen to me, nor have I had anything resembling a Frenemy.

I think I should consider myself pretty darn lucky :)

TinaFerraro said...

What comes to my mind was the BFF who moved without saying goodbye. Okay, truth be told, by the time she left, I was SO DONE with the friendship...but hello...would goodbye, a fake hug and some empty promises to keep in touch kill her? Okay, as I'm writing this, I'm thinking, maybe it DID end the way it should. ;)

Anonymous said...

I just love this website. Every topic discussed is something I can usually relate to! :)

Anyway, I've definitely had the experience of a "frenemy." Granted, it was in first grade, but that's a fragile age! :P

When I first started first grade I met this girl named Jessica and instantly we became friends. I only remember her name because we have the same name. Anyway, she lived right up the street from me so we always got to hang out (well, at that age, 'play') with each other and I'd probably consider her my first "best friend."

She also had this other friend named Justine. She was the "cool" one because she had a "boyfriend." In first grade, I know, it's crazy! But there were times when Jessica would pick Justine over me because she was obviously so much cooler than me. Kids learn who's "cool" and who's not at a very young age.

So December rolls around and we're getting ready to make these paper mache stockings and our teacher had gathered us in a line so we could each choose what color we wanted our stocking to be. I don't know what the heck happened, but all of a sudden Jessica and Justine and a few other girls did not like me.

So they get in line behind me and I heard Jessica whisper, "Let's not pick the same color as Jessica." She was directly behind me so of course I heard her. And it hurt! So as I was trying not to cry I'm up next to pick a color and I pick green. Jessica goes after me and she picks red. And so does Justine and the few other girls. I can't remember if I ever found out why she did that or not.

A few weeks after Christmas Jessica comes over to my house and asks me if I want to come outside and play. Of course at that age I never thought "Okay, this girl just blew me off for no reason, I'm not gonna hang out with her!" So I did. And we stayed friends. Justine had a birthday party and I wasn't invited but Jessica was so she went and left me all by myself. Yet the very next day she'd come over to my house and want to play. I moved that summer because my dad is in the Navy, and I haven't spoken to her since that (and this was like twelve years ago). But I still remember first grade year clearly.

I'm sure I've had "frenemies" and "last resort friends" who are only there when they don't have anyone else to hang out with throughout the years but that's one experience that stands out the most. And twelve years later, I still remember it.

So that's my story. :)

PS. I LOVEDLOVEDLOVED Twisted Siters! If this series ever gets made into a movie, I will be the first one in line to buy tickets. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! Poor Steph! Your Frenemy has a wrath like no other!

Ah. I happen to be the person with multiple "Frenemies." I think I'm like a magnet to them or something. My sixth grade one wasn't so bad, but seventh grade was tough.

I was expanding my friend group, when I noticed a really nice, shy girl, with few friends. So, we start hanging out and noticing how we have everything in common. Then one day, I did something (I can't remember what), and she started freaking out on me. Every day I apologized, asked how I could heal our friendship, I even gave her a gift. But that only made it worse. She spread rumors about me and got nearly everyone to turn against me. Finally, I exposed her lies and gotten back to normal life. Sadly for her, she had lost all of her friends in the process, since they didn't like gossip. And for a little while, she was all alone. I felt sympathy, but then I remembered how she tried to ruin my life.

Axa said...

hmm...well I had a friend who was trying to match me up w/ her guy best friend. After a lot of pushing from her part I decided to at least get to know him...a few weeks later I find out from another friend that they had started dating. I didn't really care about the guy, I was just upset that she didn't have the decency or courage to tell me herself. After that our friendship was nonexistent.

stephhale said...

Thanks for sharing everybody! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a frenemy!

And Jessica, I can only dream that someday Aspen will be immortalized on the big screen! :)

Heather Davis said...

Wow, awesome (and yet no-so-awesome) story. It's crazy we hang on to things for so long, isn't it? It reminds me of the villain in Revenge. ;0

I haven't had too many frenemies, I'm happy to report. just sisters, who can be frenemies from time to time.