Monday, July 02, 2007

Homecoming Week with the Buzz Girls

In celebration of the release of my book, Revenge of the Homecoming Queen, tomorrow (can you believe it?????), the buzz girls are going to be chatting about homecoming this week.

When I was in school, homecoming always fell on a Saturday in October. The day would start with a parade through town where the football players would try to see how many people they could fatally wound by throwing candy off the fire engines. Yours truly was always thrilled (not) to be marching with the band and pretending to play all the songs she refused to memorize out of spite (sorry, Mr. Brennan).

After the parade was the football game. Most years our school was paired with a local rival who would always slaughter us. Once again, I would strut my stuff out on the football field with my clarinet. We would wear these giant yellow mums on our uniforms that had tiny gold footballs stuck in them. None of the girls ever cared about the game so we would spend most of the time gossiping about our outfits/dates/other people's dates for the dance.

On homecoming my freshman year, a friend ran home with me to change out of my band uniform. They were these awful black wool uniforms with tacky cumberbunds and ruffles and I wanted back in my fashionable civilian clothes. I didn't want to chance seeing my crush in my band uniform. So we ran back to my house where I already had all my clothes laying out on the bed.

I proceeded to start stripping, noticing that my legs were kind of itchy. I'd scratch at them a bit then as I tossed my uniform aside. I noticed my friend's eyes kind of glaze over as she pointed at me in horror. I looked down at my legs and they were the size of an XXXL sumo wrestler. They had these red puffed up bumps on them and I looked like I had been attacked by giant mosquitos. I think I screamed.

My mom rushed me to the hospital where I think they gave me a shot of something in a butt cheek. I just knew there was no way I could fit into my new homecoming slacks. I was devastated. It was my first grown up dance and I was going to have to miss it because of some freak wool allergy. I was seriously bummed.

My mom said all the right things like this wouldn't be the only dance this year, my crush would spend the whole night wondering where I was, eventually my legs would fit back in pants, etc. But it didn't matter. Life as I knew it was over. I was going to miss my first homecoming dance.

Mom made me go home and take a nap. The horror. I was fourteen. What fourteen-year-old takes a nap? I was sure I would die of humiliation even though no one knew.

When I woke up from my nap I felt different. My jumbo thighs were gone. Everything was normal sized and looking! It was a miracle. I begged my mom to let me go to the dance, which she did, because she knew I would just drive her crazy if I didn't. I had a blast dancing the night away with my friends. And from then on, I never wore my wool band pants without pantyhose underneath!

This is us with our guy friend, Chad. I'm the one squatting with my arm on his knee. Those legs are normal sized, right?

So what horror stories do you have about a special event?

What I'm reading....The Time Traveler's Wife..still..I know it' s getting pathetic....



Revenge of the Homecoming Queen, coming TOMORROW!!!!


Dona Sarkar-Mishra said...

Awww, Steph, what a close call! I can't believe you had an allergy to the band uniforms. I never was in band or choir in HS so I was always envious of people like you. It seemed like you guys always had people to hang out with and stuff to talk about :)

I'm glad your first dance went well...did you go with anyone or with all the band-ies?

TinaFerraro said...

Hey, Steph! I am writing this from Hawaii, where it's still very early morning, but I woke up thinking "one more day 'til Steph's book comes out", so I had to jump on here and "join" you guys.

What a story about Homecoming Legs! I am so glad it worked out and you still got to go to the dance, and thanks for sharing that picture! (I spotted you immediately, BTW).

Aloha and "see" you guys on Wednesday, when I will tell my Homecoming tale...

Me said...

The horror! I'm so glad you made it to your homecoming (and that your legs returned to normal size)! And what an absolutely adorable picture--you were so cute (and, of course, still are). Homecoming was only a sorta minor event kinda thing at my school (we were much bigger on basketball, I think). I only went to one homecoming game in all of high school, and no homecoming dances.

My favorite homecoming memory, though, is that my freshman year a sophomore girl who was on the tennis team with me got voted queen. She was the sweetest girl ever, and probably the most deserving queen in school history. I love that.

[obviously having a parentheses day]

Anonymous said...

What a great story!

Ugh-- I totally remember band uniforms. It used to gross me out thinking about who wore my uniform the years prior--ick.

Congrats on your book coming out tomorrow! I'm looking forward to reading it!


tankb0y said...

sumo legs? wow. and i thought homecoming day at our school was boring. shows i was hanging out with the wrong crowd. i was playing drums in the middle school band, but i had no plans on marching during football games in high school, so i dropped out. (i guess that was a good choice.)

i love the pic you put up. so cute. and i'm glad you shrunk back to normal. close call.

i never went to school dances in middle school. you know, the whole icky girl thing. (who knew i would never grow out of that? well, ok, some people figured it out before me. anyway...) it wasn't until one of our high school dances that i was finally dragged there by some friends, and i had a blast. never missed another dance, except homecoming. i never went to the homecoming dances. people stick out when they don't have dates to that dance. and how many guy/guy couples did you see at our school's homecoming dances?

the best thing i remember about homecoming was the hot chocolate. i don't know what it is, but when it's brisk fall weather and i'm at a football game (which doesn't happen often) i crave hot chocolate. i crave orange juice with pizza, a glass of chocolate milk after jogging and hot chocolate while watching tight ends.

can't wait to get my copy of revenge in the mail. i might have to make some hot chocolate when i read it...myk.

stephhale said...

Thanks everybody!
Kristina, I had never given a thought to all the people before me who wore the uniforms. EWWW! Kind of like bowling shoes!
Tina, I'm beyond jealous of you right now.
Dona, I did the friend thing my first year. I always seemed to have more fun being with friends than dates!
TLC, a queen who deserves it? That's the best thing EVER!
Myk, girls aren't icky so stop saying that. I can't believe you quit band. You could have marched with me, I'm so disappointed in you! :)

alexgirl said...

OMG that story is so crazy! You poor thing. It sounds so traumatic. And painful! But at least you ended up going to the dance. Phew.
And that picture of you and your friends is TGTBT. Love the 80's styles!!!
Hope your book's doing well Steph. I've got my copy, and as soon as I finish what I'm reading now, It'll be REVENGE central in my house!

Heather Davis said...

Cograts on book release week, Steph! And hugs on the awful band/wool uniform story. I am totally allergic to wool (among other things) so I feel your pain. I remember a boyfriend's sweater gave me huge welts on the side of my face in college. Ouch!