Homecoming Week with the Buzz Girls

In celebration of the release of my book, Revenge of the Homecoming Queen, tomorrow (can you believe it?????), the buzz girls are going to be chatting about homecoming this week.

When I was in school, homecoming always fell on a Saturday in October. The day would start with a parade through town where the football players would try to see how many people they could fatally wound by throwing candy off the fire engines. Yours truly was always thrilled (not) to be marching with the band and pretending to play all the songs she refused to memorize out of spite (sorry, Mr. Brennan).

After the parade was the football game. Most years our school was paired with a local rival who would always slaughter us. Once again, I would strut my stuff out on the football field with my clarinet. We would wear these giant yellow mums on our uniforms that had tiny gold footballs stuck in them. None of the girls ever cared about the game so we would spend most of the time gossiping about our outfits/dates/other people's dates for the dance.

On homecoming my freshman year, a friend ran home with me to change out of my band uniform. They were these awful black wool uniforms with tacky cumberbunds and ruffles and I wanted back in my fashionable civilian clothes. I didn't want to chance seeing my crush in my band uniform. So we ran back to my house where I already had all my clothes laying out on the bed.

I proceeded to start stripping, noticing that my legs were kind of itchy. I'd scratch at them a bit then as I tossed my uniform aside. I noticed my friend's eyes kind of glaze over as she pointed at me in horror. I looked down at my legs and they were the size of an XXXL sumo wrestler. They had these red puffed up bumps on them and I looked like I had been attacked by giant mosquitos. I think I screamed.

My mom rushed me to the hospital where I think they gave me a shot of something in a butt cheek. I just knew there was no way I could fit into my new homecoming slacks. I was devastated. It was my first grown up dance and I was going to have to miss it because of some freak wool allergy. I was seriously bummed.


My mom said all the right things like this wouldn't be the only dance this year, my crush would spend the whole night wondering where I was, eventually my legs would fit back in pants, etc. But it didn't matter. Life as I knew it was over. I was going to miss my first homecoming dance.

Mom made me go home and take a nap. The horror. I was fourteen. What fourteen-year-old takes a nap? I was sure I would die of humiliation even though no one knew.

When I woke up from my nap I felt different. My jumbo thighs were gone. Everything was normal sized and looking! It was a miracle. I begged my mom to let me go to the dance, which she did, because she knew I would just drive her crazy if I didn't. I had a blast dancing the night away with my friends. And from then on, I never wore my wool band pants without pantyhose underneath!

This is us with our guy friend, Chad. I'm the one squatting with my arm on his knee. Those legs are normal sized, right?

So what horror stories do you have about a special event?

What I'm reading....The Time Traveler's Wife..still..I know it' s getting pathetic....

xo,

Steph

Revenge of the Homecoming Queen, coming TOMORROW!!!!

http://www.stephaniehale.com/